White tourista behaving badly 

Concerned that she is being given higher prices than locals she doesn’t even see the link between higher prices and more food in children’s bellies 

That she doesn’t realise this and she selectively sees only the beseeching smiles on her hosts’ faces is an expression of how shallow the once deep waters of her  polluted world now flow

Rubbish ideas collect in garish eclectic piles that bank thickly against the shores of her once vibrant mind, due to the lack of flow  

That she doesn’t see the hidden work behind  the scenes of this charade of seemingly eager service shows the lack of her ability to tip her oar deeper into the shallows of her limited world view 

That she never saw the privilege of her world but only her comparative lack, by holding herself up to her wealthy peers, is an example of her white privileged existence 

Feeling self pity even when viewing those less fortunate is an indulgence that creates distance and causes pain to both parties 

Allowing preconceived notions to shape the interactions in her world, she has a tendency to take one step forward and then two back 

Believing that she isn’t a racist she still places biased expectations on groups of people based on conjecture, training and past experiences

Hugging her bag closer when she sees groups approaching causes unintended pain to herself and others

 

It is as though she believes money will give her joy, even as this disproportionate fear rules her day to day existence 

Yet she claims that she doesn’t give any fucks at all about trivialities like money 

Another white privileged position, when you come to think of it

Because only those who are able to access clean water, good food and education can chant homages to their liberation from the capitalist system even while milking the benefits of such system dry 

Seeing violence in the kindness of strangers, she walks alone and then mourns the lack of meaningful companionship 

Never truly trusting anyone else even when there is no evidence of deception, she justifies this with reference to past hurts

But while she continues to nurse these long gone hurts to her breast like a crying newborn, history has a terrible habit of repeating itself 

Then, without seeing her role in the situation, she wonders why these things are always happening to her

Society’s the disease of which she is a blind consumer; a mere symptom of a greater illness 

She is a deep thinker and yet a shallow swimmer, despite her good intensions 

Although she has had moments of enlightenment, at this time she is sitting in the dark with the blinding light shining bright in her eyes

Others wonder when she is going to simply realise that she herself is both the source of the light and also the shadow that blocks its stream 

She wonders if her life will ever get better, unable to see that it already is if only she would fully turn on the light and stop standing in the way of herself