Live your dreams or you may find yourself living someone else’s 

I think this as I look into the leaden clouded eyes of a rotten dead wallaby

Head cocked so that spinal cord protrudes slightly 

I am piling rocks against a wire fence

My boots thickly sink in mud making it hard to move 

Each step takes the effort of a marathon at this point 

My head spins and my heart beats like a hectic drum and bass set

I have been hosting parasites in my stomach which make my body ache amongst other things 

I wonder if I’m symbolically the parasite 

Or is he the parasite and I am feeding him with my emotions?

I am undernourished and unable to tell the difference 

All I know is that I am not living my best life here 

What is my best life anyway?

I don’t even know anymore 

All I do know is that the invisible wall between us is growing thicker and more visceral 

Everything feels pimpled teen awkward now

How do you pull back words once spoken?

Retract the thread and wind it back so we can be what we were before?

But they aren’t just my words to pull back 

Any more than this is my life I am trying to slot into here 

There is no safe word for paranoia 

No quick fix antidote to a bad feedback loop

No scene can be unseen 

Sleep can’t be gotten back

We have been brutally honest and now the elephant sits between us laughing at our discomfort 

The gas has been lit and today I burn